Darn

Brian: "Mommy, I'm so darn mad!"
Me: "Why?"
Brian: "Because we're not making cookies."

Let it be known there was no talk of making cookies before this conversation... :)

On Meleece's 25th Birthday...

Head hunched over the cake, fork in hand, in a fat kid's voice...
"No one's coming to your birthday party."

Brian telling Nana his family's nicknames . . .

Brian: "Chris is Critter. Max is Chunks . . ."
Nana: "Does your mom have a nickname?"
Brian: "No, but she's pretty."
Nana: "Oh."
Brian: "Are you pretty, Nana?"
Nana: "Well, uh, what do you think?"
Brian: ". . . Your earrings are pretty."

After the Christmas Party

Me: "Jesse's wife, Amber, she is so cute and skinny! She could be in commercials."
Jake: ". . . And that Jesse, what a hunk!"

So funny!

Oops

"We have warm farts, hearts, for you." - Mission Pres. @ Stake Conference.

He tried to just go on like he didn't say anything wrong but everyone was laughing. It just made it funnier.

Single Parent

Jake: "Man, can you imagine what it would be like to be a single parent?"

Me: . . . "What do you think I do while you're at school?"

Brian Story

Michelle told me that Brian said,

"When I was a baby there was a bear and I pooped in his eyes."

Meryl Streep

Jake and I watched a Meryl Streep movie last night. Jake dared to critique her acting.

Me: "Don't mock the Meryl."

Garbage

While watching the kissing scene at the end of Princess Diaries with Anne Hathaway, I said aloud, "EW, Gross! Kissing a girl is icky. Right, Carter?"
Without missing a beat, Carter said, "Icky as garbage."
That's my boy.

Amazing Baby

"When we had our first kid I had a friend who told me that babies don't do anything interesting until they're 2 years old. That is so untrue because at 1 month our daughter pooped in her own hair. It was amazing, at 1 month she could do something that I couldn't do. Even if I were hanging upside down I would't be able to do that." - a comedian named Jack

My Old Friend Matt

Matt, a friend from high school, posted this story on Facebook. Matt is like only three feet tall and very soft spoken, which makes this account all the more hilarious to imagine.

"I played the primary song 'Follow the Prophet' for Priesthood sunday, just to spice things up a bit. The guys have never sang so loud, and as I went out in the hall after, an elderly man asked me "Was that your golden voice I heard singing?" I tried to say 'heck' and 'hey' at the same time and it came out as "Hell, I just play the piano." The old man's eyes grew wide, and I panicked and muttered "Bye" and walked off."

Shapes

Me: "Look at me, I'm a sphere."
Jake: "You're more like a weeble."

Mmm...Mmm...Good

Me: What do you want for dinner, Carter?
Carter: Butt Soup.

Crazy

Me: "If I go crazy, would you put me in a home?"
Jake: "No, I wouldn't be able to stand it."
Me: "But what if I don't even realize it, and it's a nice place?"
Jake: "I'll stay with you."
Me: "But what if I'm surrounded by nice people?"
Jake: "I will surround you! I will be nice!"

Torando

Jake and I were listening to some guys on the radio talk about the tornadoes in Oklahoma (who taught us a new word, "tornadic"). And one of them asked what would we as Texans do in that situation because here in Dallas, we don't have basements. The other guy said, "Well, you pray . . . and then if you're in the house that is the only one left standing in the entire neighborhood you're good. But if you're in the house where nothing is left but the foundation . . . it was your time to go." I thought it was funny, in a dark way. So if there is a tornado you'll live or you will die, we have no control of our destinies here. :-)

Hmmmmm

Jake: Hey Meleece, I wanted to thank you for...

Meleece: My radiant beauty?

Jake: Um, yes, and...

Meleece: that lights up the room when I walk in it?

Jake: Yes.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

Last Christmas Steve, Katy, and I were breaking in the new couch by watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, a favorite that it seems we all used to watch a lot when we were kids and at-home sick.

We noticed that all the town beaus looked like Spaniards/Mexicans with their dark hair and little mustaches.
So when we were watching the scene where the brothers kidnap the girls and all the townspeople come running after them we were like, "The Spaniards are coming!" And Katy yelled out. "Aloha! Aloha!"

Steve and I just stared for a minute and I think we said, "Do you mean, 'Ariba, ariba?'" What a good laugh, thanks Katy.

Dad: Team Edward or Team Jacob?

I randomly remembered this when I woke up this morning. I remember going to that little bakery place after seeing "New Moon" with Dad, Mom, Katy, Michelle, and the whole Logan gang last November. I tried to get an answer out of Dad of whither he liked Jacob or Edward more. I was like, "Dad, if Bella was your daughter, who would you rather have her be with?" He thought for a moment and then said, "Well, she could be with a bunch of rich doctors or a bunch of Indians!"

Brian...

I was helping Brian look up Dinosaur Train on the computer. He was sitting on my lap. After I got it going for him he turned to me and said, "Umm, go shower." I feel so loved.

"There will be no quoting in HELL!!"
-Everyone?

"There will be no Quoting in HELL!"
-Everyone?

KFC Double-Downer

I realize Jimmy Fallon isn't in our family but this is what he said about KFC's new sandwich (made of two pieces of fried chicken, two pieces of bacon, and four pieces of cheese)

"It will give you front-butt, and the paper that it comes in is the most nutritious part."
- Jimmy Fallon

Welcome!

I got this idea a couple of days ago that Jake and I should have a quote board somewhere in our apartment, because you know, we're just so hilarious. :-) But last night I thought how fun it would be to have an online quote board for our whole family. I know I would love to read about the cute/crazy things my nephews (and brothers-in-law) are saying and it might be easier just to post simple clips than create a big 'ole post on your personal blogs. But whatever, participate at your leisure.

I hope Mom doesn't mind but I would like to take something that she sent me in an e-mail to Christen this blog's take-off.

"If only Jake could study my brain, it's really wonderful!"
- Mom