Garbage

While watching the kissing scene at the end of Princess Diaries with Anne Hathaway, I said aloud, "EW, Gross! Kissing a girl is icky. Right, Carter?"
Without missing a beat, Carter said, "Icky as garbage."
That's my boy.

Amazing Baby

"When we had our first kid I had a friend who told me that babies don't do anything interesting until they're 2 years old. That is so untrue because at 1 month our daughter pooped in her own hair. It was amazing, at 1 month she could do something that I couldn't do. Even if I were hanging upside down I would't be able to do that." - a comedian named Jack

My Old Friend Matt

Matt, a friend from high school, posted this story on Facebook. Matt is like only three feet tall and very soft spoken, which makes this account all the more hilarious to imagine.

"I played the primary song 'Follow the Prophet' for Priesthood sunday, just to spice things up a bit. The guys have never sang so loud, and as I went out in the hall after, an elderly man asked me "Was that your golden voice I heard singing?" I tried to say 'heck' and 'hey' at the same time and it came out as "Hell, I just play the piano." The old man's eyes grew wide, and I panicked and muttered "Bye" and walked off."